musings

dead at age 25.

i came out of the gym yesterday, only to discover that an acquaintance had passed away from a brain tumor. he was 25. we casually knew each other from baylor but were by no means close friends. i have so enjoyed his father's updates on his condition, particularly his "through spiritual eyes" perspective throughout this illness and have lifted him up in prayer quite often. in fact, for a few weeks there i had moved him down a few slots on my prayer rotation because he was doing so well. two weeks was all it took and then he was gone.

my first reaction was shock followed by an internal exclamation of "Lord, that's just not fair!" i was taken aback by that knee-jerk response and have been giving it a lot of thought. i think my reaction reveals quite a bit about how i view God and my relationship to/with Him even after all these years as a believer.

my desire for fairness, in this situation and in others, reveals that in many ways i still view myself as in control. stacking up my good works and deeds in order to somehow please the Lord, to sway His favor, to convice Him to let me into heaven. no mention of grace, no mention of Christ's life, death and resurrectio, just me thinking, in vain, that i have something to contribute. i claim that i'm "saved by grace" with my mouth but live by works in my heart.

and as i thought of this further, in the context of death, i realized that the lack of fairness in death, and really in the life of a believer in general, is what gives us the blessed hope that we cling to in times like these. life isn't fair, and therein lies our salvation.

my friend put his faith in Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior and accepted the free gift of grace extended to him. his life wasn't perfect and though it was over too soon, he has entered into an eternal victory and joy that i can only imagine. if life was fair, i doubt that his family and friends would be rejoicing because who can truly satisfy the standard required?

i'm still amazed at how God chose to reveal all of this to me. that He cares enough to slowly but surely reveal the layers of faulty thoughts and beliefs that characterize my thoughts. truly, "renewing my mind" as i walk through life. hallelujah, what a Saviour, who cared enough to make life unfair!

Dying Christian to His Soul
Attributed to Hadrian; Translated by Alexander Pope
Vital spark of heav'nly flame! Quit, oh quit this mortal frame
Trembling, Hoping, ling'ring, flying, Oh the pain, the bliss of dying!
Cease, fond Nature, cease thy strife, And let me languish into life.
Hark! they whisper; Angles say, Sister Spirit, come away.
What is this absorbs me quite? Steals my senses, shuts my sight,
Drowns my spirits, draws my breath? Tell me, my Soul, can this be Death?
This world recedes; it disappears! Heav'n open on my eyes and ears
With songs seraphic ring:
Lend, lend your wings! I mount! I fly!
O Grave! where is thy Victory? O Death! where is thy Sting?